I miss my dad

This week marks 14 years since I lost my dad (down the back of the couch, it was a big lounge suite). My dad was hard-working, larger-than-life, full of energy and a bit of a nut with a great sense of humour. I miss him every day.

I’m now at the age where too regularly my friends are losing their dads. Great dads who worked hard and weren’t around that much when we were young because they had to feed us and pay the bills and blokes of that generation were taught to get on with it and not complain. Lovely men who then became gorgeous grandpas who made up for the time they’d missed with their kids by sharing their attention and dad jokes with our kids. Now they’re old and frail and leaving us. As a single mum I could really do with my dad around some days, but life goes on with him in our hearts.
Farewell grand dads and grandpas. We miss you so.


Dear potential new husband

I know I’m a catch, and I’d really like to go on an exciting lunch date with you to the hot hip new bar you’re proposing and I’m very keen to pay for your brilliant plan to boost my Instagram account with 10,000 new followers but,
My legs are hairy
The cat has to go to the vet
My pouting tween has left her school uniform on the bus
The Valium isn’t working
I need a long nap
And
Unless you organise a babysitter, come and pick me up and pay for everything our blooming romance is not going to happen

Please contact me at irresistiblematch.com so you can take a ticket and join the queue of eligible males pining for me

Thank you hot stuff
Love
Lou


Happy Single Mother’s Day

Dear money management expert

Thanks for contacting me on the weekend, especially on the eve of Mother’s Day, so kind of you to point out how little superannuation I have in my account. I know I’ve told you many times that I’d chat to you about investing my massive amounts of leftover money, but my kids like to eat and I really like paying my bills. I am working, I mean just take a look at my CV:

I’ve done infomercials for washing machines
I’ve got a draw full of great articles featuring me from really (well, they were once) prestigious newspapers, I’ve actually been in the papers since I was 18 months old
In 1999, the Sydney Morning Herald said I was an upcoming new comic

I made the choice to work in the arts not in finance, but it’s OK, Joe Foot In Mouth Hockey convinced me to get a good job, instead of working in lowly positions in the artistic world. And big Mal Turnbull has made me realise I should just ask my mother to buy me a house, so my money problems are solved.

Happy Mother’s Day to all financially challenged single mothers


Delusions

Deluded Parenting Syndrome also known as DPS, can strike males and females. DPS occurs when a parent believes they’ve done more parenting than they actually have.

DPS symptoms include:

Remote parenting via text message

Chatting up your teenage daughter’s friends

Borrowing your children’s clothes to wear

Bringing home every boyfriend or girlfriend for your kids to meet

Turning up for school events your child is involved in and staying for 5 minutes

Telling your child you’ll teach them how to play guitar, fly a kite or build a cubby but never actually getting around to it

Telling your child all about your sexual partners thinking you’re teaching them sex education. Eww.

DPS – keeping therapists in business since Jung was a boy

Pulp – A Little Soul


Dig If You Will The Picture

How do we live in a world without Prince, David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Victoria Wood and Merle Haggard? Age shall not weary them, but 2016 has been a cruel year, robbing the world of my favourite artists.

The genius artist known as Prince brought my teen years alive with his sexy funk groove.

All good things that say, never last. And love, it isn’t love until it’s passed.

Please Stevie Wonder, stay healthy and strong.

Thank you Prince Rogers Nelson, your music, generosity of spirit and philanthropy will live forever
Prince


Vote For Me

Why don’t you vote for me?

Not everyone in North Sydney would pay to meet Bronwyn Bishop.

This Thursday April 21st and Friday April 22nd, I’m performing my funny new show all about Australian politics, Vote One Lou Pollard at the Factory Theatre in Marrickville for the 2016 Sydney Comedy Festival. In this election year, come along and hear my crazy tales of politics in North Sydney.

When the other candidates are a joke, vote for the comedian

Vote One Lou Pollard tickets

Lou Pollard politician

 


Why I love Facebook

I recently read this ad on Farcebook:

Robin Banks – Sponsored Post
Don’t miss out on your only chance to see world-renowned Mind Power expert Robin Banks for the very first time in Sydney. Register Now!

11 people like this.

Write a comment…

Bec Davy
Having faith in God and hope through his strength and grace and awesomeness allows u to achieve all your goals and live a life of abundance…. Service and happiness and peace
Like · Reply · 6 hrs

Stacey Donnelly
Dick head
Like · Reply · 23 October at 23:23


I get invited to all the best parties

The Australian Federal Police is a progressive and multi-faceted law enforcement organisation taking a strong lead in the fight against 21st century crime.

You have been invited to the court

You are invited to the law court by the judge because of offense against the law.

Case:

#72007685

Date:

30/03/2016

Please visit nearest police office or view case notices.

Save case info

You must provide all the necessary information to the Court within 18 days, starting from the time at which this message was received. If the information is not provided, the court can take place without your participation.

The nature of the AFP and what is required of it, has changed significantly in recent years. The AFP has responded to a rapidly changing environment and this has required a greater focus on national and international operations.

The new challenges the AFP faces include counter terrorism, human trafficking and sexual servitude, cybercrime, peace operations, protection and other transnational crimes.

You have the right to request a correction of your personal information under the Privacy Act. The AFP is required to make the corrections to your personal information if it is reasonable to do so.

The AFP does not provide your personal information to other Australian or foreign law enforcement, intelligence, security or government agencies, organisations or individuals unless the disclosure is authorised by the AFP Act and the Privacy Act, or is otherwise required or authorised by law.

This is an automatically generated message: unsubscribe.

Can’t wait to hear about my crime


2016 achievements so far

At the end of 2015, I had a lot of goals for 2016:
More corporate tax paid
Less foreign aid cuts
More cake eating
Less Michelle Bridges
More real people
Less Insta famous twats

As we approach a new season, I thought I’d update my 2016 resolutions. Losing weight and being more productive are so 2012. Why not try these achievable ideas instead?

I will:

Blink more
Raise my cholesterol
Stare into space, at least three times a day
Say ‘I’ll do this later ‘ more frequently
Spend more time on social media looking at photos of strangers doing things I want to do
Be more envious of others (see above)
Remove kale, coconut and slow pressed juices from my home
Wait for something to happen

 

 

 

I feel better already


Vote for me

In a month, I’m performing my fourth solo comedy show for the Sydney Comedy Festival at The Factory Theatre in Marrickville. I’ve written a show about my brief but dazzling foray into the political arena at last year’s North Sydney by election.

Vote One Lou Pollard

Lou Pollard politician

Written and authorised by Lou Pollard for the Single Mothers having a party Party

Buy tickets: Vote One show tickets