Tell me Kondo, Kondo, Kondo
Posted: January 27, 2019 Filed under: Self improvement | Tags: Advice for single mothers, charity donations, decluttering, folding, kon Mari, Marie Kondo, Salvos, Shinto, single mother advice, single mother self help, single mother struggles, spark joy, Vinnies, vote them out 2 CommentsMarie Kondo san
Vinnies and Salvos may not agree but I’d like to say,
Doomo arigatoo gozaimasu
I hugged my teenager and she didn’t give me joy so I sent her to live with her father
I spent Christmas with my relatives and they didn’t bring me happiness so I moved away
I laboured through a summer party with pill popping friends who became obnoxious, so this year I won’t be answering their calls
My daggy trackie dacks don’t spark joy but the fact that they still fit me after three kids does so I’m keeping them
Folding up Dutton, Morrison and Abbott at the next election will help my thoughts become clear
Parking cops don’t speak to my heart, out they go
Throwing out “joyless” items originally struck me as a first world problem. But the end result may be that the world is made better
Share this:
Unspirational
Posted: January 13, 2019 Filed under: FEMINISM | Tags: Advice for single mothers, firies, life hacks, no goals, no resolutions, single mother helpline, uninspired Leave a commentA few things I’m hoping for in 2019:
Hardly any bottom of the budgie cage seeds on my veggies
No more friend requests from inspirational people selling pyramid schemes
A world class, leading expert free world
An absence of life hacks
A climate change deniers manned journey to Pluto
An apathy of new bucket list items
Motivational speaker free zones
A teaspoon of resolutions
Piglets running loose in public parks
A plethora of politicians who think before they speak
Truckloads of hot firies turning up at work
Share this:
Sweaty
Posted: January 6, 2019 Filed under: AUSTRALIA, TRAVEL | Tags: auspol, Aussie summer, Australian summer, cats, happy single mothering, Single mother cooking, Southern Hemisphere, Straya Leave a commentSummer in Straya – a few of my favourite things:
Flying cockroaches
Lasting New Years resolutions like eating more sugar and drinking more fruity wine
Teenagers asked to empty dishwasher kindly putting 3 forks away
Sweaty humid walk home from beach to end up stinkier than before ocean swim
Adults moaning about kids singing too loud while playing music at the park
Watermelon stains on white clothing
Photos of depressed northern hemisphere mates clad in grey overcoats
Burnt veggies on the barbie
Drunken laughter drifting from pub beer gardens
Politicians releasing details of dodgy deals on public holidays
Cat bringing dead lizards and mangled mice inside for shared family dinner
Oldies bitching about toddlers having public meltdowns. Who doesn’t love a good tantrum?
Mango dribbling down your chin
Appointments with melanoma specialists
Work experience radio hosts describing daily weather. “Hot then bucketing down. Tomorrow balmy, then a summery, tropical weekend scorcher.”
Warm drinks laced with flies
Happy sweaty Southern Hemisphere summer
Share this:
Happy Next Year
Posted: December 31, 2018 Filed under: Self improvement | Tags: Happy New Year, happy single mothering, I say a little prayer for you, NYE 2018, single mothers with attitude, single mum celebrations Leave a commentHappy New Year. Hope you have fun tonight. I want a smallish glass of good champagne. At one point in my life I would have drunk tequila made from wombat wee if the bar ran dry and now I’m a one glass screamer. Mummies getting smashed is so last year.
In 2019 we will have:
More hopes
More dreams
Fewer emails, more laughter
More kisses, less complaining
Zero idiot rich white male politicians, more wise women from diverse backgrounds
Less coconut milk, more chocolate
Fewer inspirational quotes, more doing
More policies, less political slogans
More teenage dirtbags, less sanitised posers
More sleep, less stress
More grunge, less photoshop
More fun, fewer rules
More rebellion
More open hearts
We can learn to love again
Share this:
2018 – The Year of the Plonker
Posted: December 23, 2018 Filed under: Self improvement, Uncategorized | Tags: 2018 year in revieew, auspol, Politics, single mother advice, single mother musings, single mother struggles, single mothering, to Pollard 2 Comments2018, the year that cannot end quickly enough for me. What a clusterfuck.
This truly was the year of the tools coming out from under their rocks.
Trump
Israel Folau spreading hate
Julie Asbestos Bishop behaving like the hypocrite of the century, acting like a martyr when she let Bernie Banton die in agony waiting for compensation
Barnaby Joyce
Lleyonhelm
Lindsay Lohan and her “women look weak” bollocks
Malcolm Gunning from the real estate agents group who thought that people should get a second job to buy a home
Steve Smith and David Warner
The Wallabies
Potato Dutton thinking he had a chance at the top job. The man has a head like a dropped pie
The guy who wanted to ask me out on a date but then mansplained the term ‘mansplaining’ to me
Too many women and children murdered by men they knew, including beautiful Olga and her kids
Scott Morrison’s embarrassing moments happening almost daily from October
Extreme weather conditions worsened across the globe and still moron politicians deny climate science
There have been 94 school shootings in the US this year
The year when the two most powerful comedy shows weren’t funny; Nanette by- Hannah Gadsby and Sascha Baron Cohen’s documentary on America
We lost beautiful artists this year, too many to suicide
Aretha Franklin, Neil Simon, Tom Wolfe, Mirka Mora, Dolores O’Riordan, Richard Gill, Stephen Hawking, Charles Blackman, Judy Blame,, Anthony Bourdain, Kofi Annan, Penny Marshall, Penny Cook, Liz Jackson
Eurydice Dixon was taken from us
Heroes
Robert Mueller
Emma Gonzalez and her classmates
Jameela Jamil
Tham Luang cave divers
Chrissie Foster
Christine Balsey Ford
Saxon Mullins
Sisto Malaspina
The year I learnt to say no more than yes
I was ghosted by a friend
This year a school bully told my child that she should kill her self, my two other kids suffered health problems and I went to hospital twice, but we are blessed to have our health system and we have held onto our sanity (just)
Shakespeare wrote about Donald Trump in All’s Well That Ends Well:
“A most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality.”
May 2019 bring wisdom and a strong wall to keep the idiots at bay
Share this:
Christ Kringle
Posted: December 16, 2018 Filed under: Thought For the Day | Tags: Christmas fantasies, Kris Kringle, Merry Christmas, Santa Baby, single mother Christmas wishes, single mother delusions, Xmas Leave a commentDear Santa
Can we please have an inspiring prime minister like Jacinta Ardern or Justin Trudeau for Christmas?
All I want for Christmas is my dad, Stella Young, David Bowie, Prince, Alan Rickman, my friends Claire, Ant, Veljko and Marc to come back. I’ll swap you Trump, Barnaby Joyce, Tony Abbott, Rupert Murdoch, the cast of any of the Bachie shows, the Sunrise panel and that dolt Dutton.
And let’s close the gap, give indigenous kids back to their communities to heal, and also get kids out of detention ploise, they don’t belong there and neither do their parents
K?
All I really want for Christmas is a cocker spaniel and a house to put him in
Share this:
Miss Piggy Says No
Posted: December 2, 2018 Filed under: Politics, Self improvement | Tags: brexit, fools in power, Fozzie Bear, Gonzo, I hope that somethings better comes along., Kermit, Miss Piggy, parliament, Rowlf The Dog, Shakespearean insults, Statler and Waldorf, The Muppet Show Leave a commentDear world of media, social and serious,
I understand that the current crop of American, British and Australian politicians are spectacularly unskilled, treacherous, dangerous to children and the general health of our nations, but can we please stop calling them Muppets? Muppets are cute. Most of our pollies are neither entertaining, warm or wise, so stop labelling them as friendly puppets that have given pleasure to millions. When writing about these huge parliamentary pension seekers, using the term muppets conveys that they possess some wit. This is not the case.
The current Australian prime minister (for this week) is not life-like, clever nor an original thinker, nor able to relate to humans with humour and compassion, so for the sake of my fond childhood memories please refrain from comparing him to Fozzie Bear, Rowlf the Dog or Kermit.
I have heard the term, you lying fucking muppet used many times when relating to Brexit, can we please instead call these career con artists twats, twatwaffles or plonkers? If you don’t like these terms, consider using the phrases of the Bard. Shakespeare was brilliant at describing human stupidity. We could yell out in Question Time:
“More of your conversation would infect my brain. Your brain is as dry as the remainder biscuit after voyage.”
The only Muppets we need in politics are Statler and Waldorf to heckle and cajole incompetent public servants in parliament buildings around the world.
I hope that something better comes along…
-
a puppet worked by strings.“the bird bobs up and down like a marionette”
-
a person who is easily manipulated or controlled.“many officers dismissed him as the mayor’s marionette”
-
